I’ve been reading Slashdot since the nineties. Along the way I’ve encountered so many articles on new breakthroughs in battery technology. Batteries powered by hydrogen, sodium sulfur, air, nuclear reactors, potatoes and soda. Oh, and urine too. And cow poop.

Now when one spends this kind of time on Slashdot, it doesn’t take long to develop thick skin that, if it sounds awesome, swiftly concludes it’s just more Slashdot vaporware. Once in a while they have the decency to tag such articles accordingly, but why bother when it’s invariably horseshit every single time. Since I modified my first scanner to listen in on other people’s cell phones to about fifteen year later when I got my own cell phone for others to listen in on with a whole lot of remote control cars in between, I have not seen any sign of improvement of batteries, at least not with those I’ve come across, with regard to their life on a charge versus their size.

And believe you me, I’ve searched high and low, really exhaustively, which may be why they call me the Battery Boss. Forgive the plug.

In pursuit of a dash of journalistic integrity I did a little due diligence before this unconstructive rant, searching for a sign of a solid improvement in the hands of consumers. Couldn’t find any. Nada. What was easy to find, however, were goofy battery death pictures made by frustrated consumers.

Search for yourself or take my word for it – all you’ll find is vaporware and goofy pictures. What’s up with that? Did we plateau with battery juice technology? Why must it fall entirely on the software guys to make the best of what’s left in the tank? What’s the latest vaporware on screen technology?

I’m sorry, I too hate articles that pose a bunch of questions (especially ones with question marks in the damn title, ugh), but these aren’t rhetorical and I want answers. So one more time, what’s up with that? Where’s my cow poop battery? </rant>

Doug Simmons

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