I’m sick of receiving kind regards from Ramon and Ram and hippie dippie crap from Jim when I know damn well they don’t mean it, invariably trailed by a huge email thread. I know who you are already thanks to the way email headers work, so shove your auto-appended best regards. So stupid. Bunch of jive turkeys — you heard me. Hussies, the lot of you.

If you want to throw in a salutation, fine, but type it out like a man, takes five seconds tops. If you have to have some long dumb confidentiality legal thing, okay, but perhaps you shouldn’t be emailing me from your company account unless you want them to find girly pictures and line-crossing ethnic humor in your inbox. And thanks in part to the advent of threaded emailing and my own short term memory capabilities, I don’t need you to waste even more bytes by regurgitating the whole thread in each email with a top-post reply. Knock it off.

And stop telling me what kind of device you sent your stupid email from, no one gives a shit. Just hit me with some plaintext brevity, perhaps explaining why this is so much to ask of you people. You people.

That’s it I’m done.

Doug Simmons


  1. But its the cool thing to do Doug. You dont understand it makes you seem all official and crap when you have this whole paragrah stating this email contains confidential bull crap….. And dont you want to know that I sent this email from the newest baddest phone out there?

    • On second thought Steve, yes I do actually, roughly as much as I want to have ridden on that Carnival Cruise ship. Referring to the one that, not unlike this daft emailing, was packed with shit.

  2. There is a whole threaded email rule book floating around here somewhere. I have no.problem with signatures. I guess you can say it is what happens when you mix business with pleasure.

  3. lol i am a professional sir. i send out tons of emails a day and i need to be regarded as a person…. best way to do so is “kind regards, Ramon” at the end of all my emails. its just formality ;)

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