I’m sick of receiving kind regards from Ramon and Ram and hippie dippie crap from Jim when I know damn well they don’t mean it, invariably trailed by a huge email thread. I know who you are already thanks to the way email headers work, so shove your auto-appended best regards. So stupid. Bunch of jive turkeys — you heard me. Hussies, the lot of you.
If you want to throw in a salutation, fine, but type it out like a man, takes five seconds tops. If you have to have some long dumb confidentiality legal thing, okay, but perhaps you shouldn’t be emailing me from your company account unless you want them to find girly pictures and line-crossing ethnic humor in your inbox. And thanks in part to the advent of threaded emailing and my own short term memory capabilities, I don’t need you to waste even more bytes by regurgitating the whole thread in each email with a top-post reply. Knock it off.
And stop telling me what kind of device you sent your stupid email from, no one gives a shit. Just hit me with some plaintext brevity, perhaps explaining why this is so much to ask of you people. You people.
That’s it I’m done.