From time to time I can’t think of anything to write about. Fortunately, we have readers who comment (from time to time). Among those readers is the infamous who dis?!, our resident Apple troll whose mission it seems is to incite flame wars. Because of his relentlessness in posting, his signature insults and clues in his writing style I have been trying to determine his identity, suspicious that he is an insider, either an alter ego of a frequent reader or even a writer — or even an editor in chief. According to the IP addresses stapled to his posts he is a frequent traveler of Eastern Europe. Alternatively, he is David K using anonymous proxies to mess with my head — but David K doesn’t write this good. Regardless of his identity he raises intriguing points, particularly in this comment. So, I leave you with who dis?!’s take on Microsoft, Google and Apple, in response to Dr. Jim’s piece on Android and Bing, as this week’s Mobility Digest Comment of the Week.

As someone who’s neither Google nor Microsoft, and quite happily that way, let me offer you my take on those two troublemakers. I’mma break it down for you metaphor style; pay attention.

Now picture a forest. Let’s call it the Innovation Forest.

Camp Google has a bunch of scouts slicing their way through that forest in all sorts of directions, trailblazing (some of those trailblazers losing reception on their walkie talkies when discussing wardriving protocols), leaving chalk marks in the trees of sweetness, but not stopping for too long at those trees to tap into them to extract the sap and refine it further.

Team Microsoft, with both recon and construction battalions, watches those Google trailblazers, follows them with night vision binoculars from a distance, taking note of which of those chalked trees have the richest sap in them. Then they call back to base with the GPS coordinates of the best trails Camp Google found and the construction battalion rolls in with their heavy machinery, the first line clearing out the trees for further sap refinement followed by steamrollers and finally the road paving squad.

Microsoft’s approach takes more time of course and they don’t deserve any trophies for inventiveness but when they open up those roads there aren’t too many beta signs on them and during that construction period they decorate things to add some sizzle and glitter that Google forgot about when they moved onto the Google Ride and the Google Web Accelerator trees.

Now Apple’s in another forest altogether. The forest has no name, for security reasons. The first thing they do is build a huge wall, Berlin style, around the entire forest; then their troops, consisting of men from West Point, MIT and some engineering university, do both the secret trailblazing and the top secret sap refinement and don’t emerge from that forest, not even to blog, until they’ve got the perfect, one antenna issue notwithstanding, product.

Jackasses.

Thanks for the insight who dis?! and please keep it coming.

Doug Simmons

8 COMMENTS

  1. Way to feed the troll. Although this troll at least uses apt metaphors, so is more tolerable than your average troll.

  2. He forgot to mention that the Apple forrest has spies in all the other forrests. They take note of everything that is happening, come back with the info, then re-package a much simpler version and release it in a huge media campaign as the newest hip-cool-you-gotta-have-it-we-invented-it product. The people in the Apple forrest think it IS the most amazing thing, because they can’t see over the wall Apple has built around their forrest. Everything big-bro Apple tells them they believe, and once they eat from the Apple table there are few that stray, happy to lead a controlled life than trailblaze in a forrest for themselves..

  3. couldnt have said it any better bob,

    i just want to point out

    “and don’t emerge from that forest, not even to blog, until they’ve got the perfect, one antenna issue notwithstanding, product”

    they do emerge from that forest to drink at bars and leave their sap mixture sitting on the stool…

  4. PhillyBusta, for the sake of argument, let’s go ahead and identify me a troll (which I maintain, less hypothetically, I might not be). Now take a look at all of the comments I’ve bestowed upon this blog. You may not need to search at all as the comments were profound enough to lodge themselves into your memory to see where I’m going with this. So if I’m a troll, then I am single handedly stripping the negative connotation generally associated with trolling. And that’s some noble shit right there if you ask me.

    Having said that, with this Simmons copypasta job, oh yeah, I am very well fed.

    Bob Smith: Apple has spies? What spy outfits have you ever heard of in which a staunch competitor and adversary actually had a senior executive as a member of the board who had access to Steve Jobs’ Macbook with all the secret iPhone plans on it and then “gracefully” recused himself because he got what he needed and subsequently handed the information to his phone developers? No Bob, Apple’s put all their resources into innovation and, one slipup (the bar incident) notwithstanding, protecting those secrets until Steve takes the podium.

    sm0k3ydaband1t: You’re right, Bob wrote in decent English.

    Lamers.

  5. really thats 2 things though… bar incident and antennae issues… wheres the perfection weve come to expect from apple?

    your not even close to stripping the negative connotation from trolling

    and your certainly not noble…

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