Think you’re an awesome writer, so awesome that you yearn for an audience to bless with your brilliance? Between your intelligence and your insane typing abilities you don’t even have spellcheck on because you’re that badass? Know your way around the semicolon, split infinitives and the predicate nominative? That’s where I fit in and when I got recruited and started churning out gold, staring at the traffic log buzz by after each post I made, feeding my ego with each and every hit; man it feels good. In fact I’m probably doing that right now with this article and your click onto it. But what would make me feel even better is if we had an even larger audience and the best way to get that is not with silly SEO tricks but with good content and plenty of it.

Since you’re here, we already know that you think about phone stuff and there’s a decent chance you do in fact write at least marginally well given that you can read. So all that’s left really to seal a deal is for you to start by hitting this article thread with a comment, short or long, related or otherwise, and if you exhibit at least some tepid interest and ability to refrain from dropping F bombs we’ll throw a few emails back and forth at each other and see what happens.

Will you get paid cash money? Nope, at least not until we get an insane amount of traffic to afford to reward you for contributing to that. But the answer’s nope. Hard enough just to break even these days on the ISP bill. But what you write will get read and thought about by an audience containing at least some intellectual-types who may have the capacity to fully appreciate your genius, you have an opportunity to start to make a name for yourself (that’s why I slap my name onto everything I write), maybe even put it on your resume (if you’re that desperate to fluff it up), you can plug almost whatever you want and you have near-carte blanche on what to write and how to write it (provided it doesn’t jeopardize our relationship with Google), even the occasional ridiculously unrelated post.

Not sold yet? You also get to have fun with pictures. Yes, there’s a PG-13 limit we need you to attempt to respect, but you can still unleash a bit within that boundary (along with a 620px width boundary). Here, let me demonstrate:

Still unclear and need further demonstration? No problem my man. Dig this:

Don’t worry bro, I ain’t done yet. Need to make it clear to you that you can include pictures in your articles. Need you to understand the situation before you jump in.

Hey prospective writer, watch me almost cross the line here, this time with a completely off-topic but provocative image which I might be able to get away with by claiming it’s art. Actually just in case let me superimpose a typewriter into it, don’t want this article claiming you can do almost whatever you want getting pulled by the fellas because of an unrelated fishnet overdose (that’s called a backfire):

Okay buddy you’re cut off from the babes. Now either start to take us up on this offer by banging out a comment or go to google images with safe search turned off. Good times in both directions.

Doug Simmons


  1. Third paragraph, fifth sentence…. You need an editor, not more writers. :) Well, maybe both.

  2. […] you to join the writing team and then write has proven less than effective so maybe a little widget can extract something out of you better without that fear of commitment. […]

  3. Yes. However, I hate to be just negative. To put it in perspective, the rest of the article was great. :) And I do enjoy most of your articles.

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