@Doug Simmons: Hey me, instead of being such a dick all the time, get off your ass and walk to a phone dealer, grab a display model WinPhone and fiddle with it for a while with an open mind. You’ll probably see that it’s really sweet and that these guys whose balls you keep breaking for no good reason other than that you’re a jerkoff are indeed completely correct, that not only is it a great thing it is not unreasonable for some to call it superior to Android and to defend it accordingly when you barge into their threads trying to start some shit.

Me, what I’m trying to say is just relax, stop being so combative, always thinking it’s everyone versus you. Because if you keep that up it will be everyone versus you. Isn’t it a nice thing that we’re hanging out in a tech-heavy place where not everyone (and these are good people and like you, though with better judgment, are generally pretty smart) on the same phone team is piled up together in a moshpit of mobility vanity like WMPU and, yes, even Phandroid are, and maybe you should take a moment from time to time to show some respect and appreciation in your articles and participation in the articles of your fellow writers to whom, parenthetically, you really ought to show more respect. And write shorter sentences. Your sentences are way too long, it’s ridiculous. What is this, a never ending Dennis Miller impression?

And while you’re at it, maybe consider that there are good things to write about that are unrelated to Google. Okay no, that’s asking too much. But seriously me, wake up and chill out. Yes I know Doug Smith doesn’t pay you but as long as you write on his site he’s really your boss and if he wants to write his dumb articles about hot deals on bluetooths that nobody gives a shit about (can you believe that he doesn’t even get a cut of those sales?) and wishes their adblocker could somehow swat down that crap, it’s not your place to break his balls.

And if Jim wants to use AOL, hey, he’s old, that’s what old people do. Doesn’t hurt you so back off. He’s frail, a bit foggy obviously and can’t even defend himself, don’t be such a bully. We’re lucky to have him writing anything – don’t you keep begging for more writers? Calling Murani a fruit because he wears a bike helmet with girly stickers on it, that strikes you as something you should spend time doing repeatedly? Is this your own little counterproductive way of keeping your fellow writers writing for this site? What’s the matter with you damnit? Maybe you’re not so smart after all. You should probably see my shrink more often, no offense.

And the fact that you’d actually turn this out-loud self-introspection thing about attacking everyone for no good reason into a thinly-veiled attack on Doug Smith, Murani and Jim, … okay well between you and me that was funny, I’ll give you that.

Ours,

Doug Simmons

PS: Stop signing your articles. Look around, you’re the only one doing it. Seriously. If you’re trying to sound egotistical, mission accomplished already without slapping your name on it so it’s there top and bottom. People can tell by the stupid cat pictures that it’s you. Stop that.

17 COMMENTS

  1. Hadn’t heard of her (though surprised any talk radio show has mentioned… wait, nevermind, need to play nice), but reading her wikipedia she’s got quite the resume. Syndicated on 450 radio stations, any of them happen to be Sirius? Her mom was one of the first UNIX developers and of course she’s easy on the eyes:

  2. Haha … good little bit of rant against ones self there Doug. BTW, did ya hear on Kim Kommando a couple of weeks back? She was answering a callers question about which smart phone to buy and she told the caller that there were basically three types of smart phones. The ones with IOS, the ones with Android and the ones with Windows which no one seems to talk about much. LOL

  3. Thank you both. Before I comment further I need to figure out whether to proceed as me or my introspective alter ego from the article — or me after having read my alter ego’s letter and having reflected on it.

    Tough call.

  4. I am waiting for the April Fools Day admission…

    The signature never really bothered me other than that it seemed redundant with your name already emboldened across the top in the Title.

    Kim Komando’s hot so I’ll let it slide, Google image search and HAY! What’s Jennifer Anistan doing…AH!

  5. Doug Simmons calling upon himself to be a bit more reasonable? Haha, nice April Fools prank!

  6. and then all the MD’ers held virtual hands and their voices rang out, “Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya”

  7. That’s an older picture, although hearing her name always makes me wonder is she goes ‘commando’…. She is married to Barry Young, a morning drive-time host on KFYI 550AM here in Phoenix.

  8. Wait a minute… you talk as much shit as you do and you’ve never even used a windows phone??

    Awww, hellz naw! Not a good look dude.

  9. Sean: Yeah that does sound pretty screwed up of me when you put it that way. The thing is, my memory must be failing me right now… Mind quoting me saying anywhere that the software sucks? Any statement that, not having tried it I wouldn’t be qualified to make, can you dig something like that up?

  10. @Doug Simmons: Doug, you’re using a false argument to disprove a nonexistent point. That you talk ish about WP7 and openly root for its failure is unassailable. That you do so without even have tried it is wack. There was no claim made that you said the software sucks.

  11. I used the previous versions extensively.

    So should I return David K’s fifty bucks for being stunningly right about the flop just because I knew that would happen without flipping around your live tiles? Maybe pay him another fifty on top because it’s the right thing to do? Did I not even have the right to make such a bet? Perhaps now that you know the depth of market research I use before making bets, maybe you’d throw some money down with me and make this interesting?

    Unassailable, good word. Indefensible’s another one, good firstly because it’s a good word but when you use it it doesn’t sound like you’re really trying to show off with a good word as one sounds like you did, trying to make some big statement, with unassailable. And categorically indefensible, well, most people don’t know what categorically means but can figure it out from the context and also the word sounds familiar.

    Maybe it’s less categorically indefensible to root openly for something when you have fifty bucks on it and fly into the hailstorm of false hope and self delusion that is what goes on with you people, lash out a bit.

    Ain’t April 1st no more. Shit just got real.

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