Activision hates you.

There aren’t many businesses scummier than game publishing at the moment, save politics. This is no exception. Activision has decided that they would like to start a scumbag arms race with politics. Believing that microtransactions, poorly developed half games, over the original games cost in DLC, and blatant lies in trailers and game demos were not egregious enough to impose on the people that purchase their products, they spent time and money developing something to make games worse.

In competitive multiplayer games, the (proverbial) name of the game has been matchmaking. It’s a simple idea that human beings don’t like to have our assholes stomped inside out every time we play a game. It’s a negative feedback loop that makes people discouraged to play your game when they get demolished by much higher-level players every time they turn it on. To combat this from happening, video game developers, with the express intent to improve the fun of playing their games, developed a ranking system that allowed players of roughly similar skill to be matched, making for significantly better games for players.

Activision doesn’t seem to be terribly interested in people having fun while playing their games, since consumers as a whole have signaled we don’t give a shit what is in your game (for further research see this piece of shit), people will pre-order almost anything if you pump enough dollars into your trailer and plaster your game all over Mountain Dew bottles for six months. Once freed from the lofty goal of making purchasable video games, Activision realized they could deploy their greatest efforts into separating schmucks from their money full time. To wit, they have developed a new matchmaking system that, instead of making games more fun, makes their wallets more full and yours less so.

Enter USA Patent # 9,789,406. This patent details a method of pairing high level players, who have either already purchased an item via microtransactions or has obtained it in game through time and effort, with newer players. This is with the hope that the “marquee player” or “dude who has all the shiny good shit” will  make you question if you’re realizing a mental deficiency, because you are seriously contemplating spending real world dollars to get fake in game dollars in a vain attempt to prove that you are, in fact, better at video games than the trash talking 12 year old who’s balls you could basically hear dropping in mid insult of your poor “noob” performance. That is how little this company thinks of you. So, tell me again how much you’re enjoying Destiny 2.

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