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Damnit Rodman, C’mon

The fellas are amused by this but I am genuinely pissed off by Dennis Rodman, whose stay in North Korea I recently did a thing on, for actually bowing to Mr. Kim-Jong, calling him an “awesome guy” and even calling his father and grandfather great leaders. Great leaders! And no, I don’t think he meant great in that they were extraordinary brilliant and prolific brainwashers, and if he did mean that, maybe he should have said so if he reminded himself that doing so is a great way to get a free one-way ticket to Camp 22. And no, that’s not a basketball camp.

An American idol having been showered with some hospitality loaded with facades praising with superlatives the leadership, the history of that leadership and bowing to the leadership North Korea on tape and on mic which I imagine is playing on loop on at least one of NK’s three stations (the others looping Kim-Jong Il’s funeral), are you kidding me? Not cool! Ahhh!!

This is known in medicine and certain Parisian nightclubs as folie a deux, two crazy dudes sort of bonding and being extra crazy together (to quote the DSM IV verbatim), but Rodman, you’re good crazy. These guys? The three Kims? They’re the other type of crazy (or both types) that doesn’t necessarily manifest itself to you prominently in a Harlem Globetrotters game.

The only thing I almost like about this trip was that they ate sushi together, if Rodman pointed out that he had them make sushi to rub in the sting of their history with the Japanese. Too much to ask.

“He’s proud, his country likes him — not like him, love him, love him. Guess what, I love him. The guy’s really awesome.”

Yeah, he said that. On top of that, after the Harlem Globetrotters put on a good show (110-110 tie for those keeping score) in front of tens of thousands of these poor people, Rodman delivers a speech, addressing Kim Jong Un, “You have a friend for life.”

Well la-dee-dah, keep that shit to yourself next time, you know, we’re kind of in a situation with this country that involves nuclear death threats in the form of Youtube videos and UN hoedowns, including hints of dirty bombing (their bragging of weapons miniaturization), wondering how we could help to the whole cannibalism and concentration camp situation by working with a country WITH WHICH WE ARE CURRENTLY AT WAR, HELLO, ASSHOLE, damnit Rodman why do you have to go and lay something like this on me when I cannot use F-bombs every phrase.

New rule, no more wild pierced and crazy jerkoff (sorry, jagoff) fieldtrips to North Korea.

Doug Simmons