Hey Microsoft, there’s nothing early about this part of April (plus an android tirade).

So Microsoft, What the hell?  I know it’s probably AT&T’s fault but there isn’t a damn thing early about April 14th.  The whole update process was supposed to be… updated after this mix business.  Okay, mix was all awesome and shit, depending on who you ask, but I just want my NoDo.  It’s not like I’m having problems because it’s far from that.  In fact, I haven’t really had problems other than the whole recurring alarm business but it’s a non-issue now because I never wake up at the same time.  College kicks ass.  Anyone looking for a job should be a student.  They pay mad money for you to educate yourself right now so go get your learn on.

Anyway, the phone business.  I know AT&T is the one doing this supposed testing, but what they hell are they testing it with?  There is enough of it in the wild now that I’m pretty sure we aren’t looking at massive failures.  Not to mention as much as you want to claim that Windows Mobile chugged dick, and let me tell you there was not much dick left unchugged, it still worked.  Functionality is key, regardless of how not even mildly attractive the interface may have been.  Microsoft, realizing there faults, put a shit ton of money into this boat and made a sweet, smooth, and somewhat intellectually driven interface that took a step back from the mobile OS world and offered something unique and compelling.  And guess what bitches?  It works.  This whole update process is just about adding functionality.  Not fixing problems with the OS.  I can guarantee you that if you add up the bug fixes in the first four updates for either IOS or Android that there will be more bug fixes in those updates than there will be in the first four updates for Windows Phone.

And the other mobile OS’s certainly do have something Windows Phone doesn’t.  Security Issues.  Every other week Apple is pushing out some minor update to show some duct tape over another glaring security flaw in the OS, only to have some one else post up something else the day after.  Google is pulling app’s every other month that mine data or some other dastardly use of your phone’s sensors or information.  Windows may have a strange app policy, but it’s better than not having one.

And what the hell is going on with Motorola?  Verizon wants to push all these “Droids” which in and of itself makes me want to commit homicide on a scale directly equivalent to Verizon’s marketing team, but they’re just Motorola phones that have more issues than sports illustrated and playboy combined.  My room mate has been through over a half-dozen Android based Motorola phones in the past year.  Then there was that business with the HTC Incredible, needing a memory card just to start up, but also not coming with one.  Yeah, good ol’ Verizon decided handing out 2gb cards to customers was the solution but who the hell can get their mobile life onto a meager 2gb?

And Simmons wants to bring up MSConfig and registry cleaning and all that Windows desktop OS business into the mix.  Let’s throw some equal punches.  What about task killers on Android.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain task killing to some knuckle dragger that has decided they want a smartphone (it’s my opinion that you should be smarter than your phone so that weeds out a great deal of the population unless you want an iPhone) only to be met with blank stares and concerns about low battery life, freezing, and slow performance.  Android is turning, slowly into Windows Mobile and its rather apparent.  The only difference is Windows CE works with EVERYTHING!!!  That’s why medical professionals, the military, and all major, huge, enormous industries still walk around running a Windows Mobile-esque device.  Ever walk into a Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or any other retailer of choice and seen then scanning shit with those strange looking gun things.  Yeah, those are called Telxons and they’re ubiquitous in the retail market.  Guess what every single one of those bitches runs?  WinMo.  You know all those doctors that save lives and do

awesome and unecessary plastic surgeries use to cross reference medications and interface with all the ungodly medical equipment the US has been giving the world?  Yep, again Windows Mobile.  Guess what all these will likely never run because they don’t get any support or sweeping compatibility with infrastructure without massive amounts of development and shifts in general Desktop OS marketshare?  You guessed it.  Android or IOS.

And maybe one day we’ll look back at Android and say that it is a vast and monstrous behemoth of an OS that truly is everywhere, but then and even some now, Google will grow into that lumbering giant of shit that everyone claims Microsoft to be.  How long did it take for every google service to make it out of beta?  Oh damn, we’re still waiting.  Claiming beta status for shit so you don’t have to take responsibility for your failures is a cop out.  At least Microsoft stands in and takes any shit for their mistakes.  And typically it’s not a mistake, so much as it is Microsoft forcibly dragging the mass of droaning idiots into the fray of new software and hardware technology like the switches from 16-bit processing to 32, and more recently 32-bit to 64-bit with the move from XP to Vista and then 7.

In conclusion, screw AT&T, Verizon, Microsoft, Google, Apple, and Doug Simmons, but only because he makes arguments that force me to write articles to defend my fellow Mobile OS cohorts.