In Search of the Elusive Windows 10 Anniversary Update

It’s been more than 100 hours since the long anticipated Windows 10 Anniversary Update was released, and I have yet to cast a clear glimpse of it. Well, not really. I can play with it on my $99 NextBook9, with bare minimum specs, and on the Fast Track of the Windows Insider program. Seriously though, with an 8” screen and no pen support, what can you really do or explore in this new version of Windows. But how about my near four year old, i7-3rd Gen ASUS Desktop, no. Maybe my near two year old i7-4th Gen ASUS desktop. Sorry, no. Btw, both with beautiful 24” & 27” touch monitors– perfect for exploring Windows Ink. Ok then, how about my Surface 3. No again. Surely my Surface Book, the pinnacle of all Windows laptops to date, should be seeing the update after five days. Sorry, no again. WTF.

I’m beginning to think Microsoft should have called this the Anniversary Season Update. As in needing three months to deploy. And I’m not surprised that they only planned one update for 2016. As I am pretty certain that at the current pace it’s going to take most of the rest of this year to deploy. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if my 13 year old Compaq’s at the office, running Windows 10, don’t see the update till 2017. Assuming they are deploying based on age (hey, isn’t that discrimination). Of course, like the ass I sometimes am, I jumped the gun and giddily posted the update announcement on my Facebook timeline Tuesday morning. Family and friends are probably wondering what’s wrong with their machines, and me, as they keep clicking, “check for updates” and get a blank stare in return. And it shouldn’t be long before my Apple friends start to chime in about how they all get updates delivered  the same day as they’re launched. Arrghhh.

It feels like I am in this long, 350,000,000 people, long line waiting my turn. And all I can do is sigh as I look down at my ticket, 173245666, as the one Microsoft Azure server handling the upgrade announces, “Next”, in that familiar Cortana voice. I’m really surprised that of all the tech sites I follow every day, there has not been a single mention of this obvious delay. Caused by either patches on the fly, or some very obvious miscalculation in appropriating resources for an update this huge.Then again, with 100,000 Windows Insiders, they all already have the update and don’t even realize this is a real problem.  I’ve noted before, it’s never a good idea to give the entire update team six weeks off the day an update is being launched. Someone needs to stay behind to answer the phone.

Adding to my ever growing frustration, I had a problem with my office desktop (the near 2 year old i7-4th Gen) a few weeks back after an OS reinstall, where the desktop crashes if I plug in my Microsoft wireless keyboard. Touch any key and I get a blue screen of death, followed by a reboot. I tried replacing my Microsoft 2000 Keyboard/Mouse with a new $79 Microsoft  model, but the same thing happened. So, been using a wired, less effective, keyboard for a month. Last Monday night, like a good soldier, I unplugged my Microsoft wireless mouse, removed all the wireless drivers and software, rebooted  and connected a wired mouse. Something I have not used on a daily basis in nearly 15 years. The plan, or expectation, was that I would get the Anniversary update on Tuesday and it would hopefully flush out this problem, possibly with USB or the registry. One morning has turned into four. And five afternoons. I can only hope that things do get better next week.My patience is growing thin.

Oh, and for those that would suggest, just go get the damn update. I did try that with my Surface Book and the Windows Update Tool. Figuring that would be the one device with the least potential for problems. Twice I went through the; download, verify and getting things ready countdowns. Only to have the update reverse course a minute or two into the reboot/install process. Is it something I said Microsoft? Maybe it’s time to go check out those Chromebooks while I’m waiting in line.

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