Cops

So when you’re speeding on the highway and you team up with another speeder, are your odds of getting pulled over lower if you’re tailing him or if you’re in the lead? If you’re the second car, the cop spots the other guy first and maybe psychologically latches onto that car as his target, on the other hand you’re obviously doing the same speed and you’re closer to him to pull over more easily. If you’re in the lead, you’ll be the one the cop zaps and maybe these speed guns have a camera so the cop is obligated to pull the car he zapped. Maybe if you’re in the lead, the cop has more respect for you, leading the way into the risk of being trapped, so he goes after the risk freeloader tailing you who’s probably not as good at speeding. For the sake of this question let’s presume that the cop is only pulling one of you over not both simultaneously, which I realize they do.

Now suppose you’re rolling solo, does it help your odds of evading the interest of Johnny Law by staying out of the passing lane when possible? Does he care if you use your blinker when changing lanes, a polite speeder? When you see those police lights start to flash a half mile behind you and you know you’re screwed, but he’s just starting to accelerate and you’ve got an exit up ahead smiling at you, is quickly taking the exit to try to hide a bad idea?

When you’re on a rural road, like a 25mph single lane, dark, and you feel a cop tailing you. Should you do 25mph or might that irritate the cop who’d, like everyone else, would prefer to speed by at least 5mph, or does the cop not care because he’s just cruising around and has no reason, other than the natural urge, to speed? Is it a courteous gesture to the cop to speed a little bit? I mean, there are so many traffic violations, a cop could pull you over for any reason if inclined, might as well not piss him off.

Here’s a stumper: I’m told we have the right not to incriminate ourselves. Does that apply for when you get pulled over for speeding? When a cop asks you do you know how fast you were going, is remaining mute, rather than saying “yeah officer, only five or ten above the limit” in an attempt of partial candor or lying and saying you were probably doing the limit, a good idea? The cop probably already knows you were speeding, what does he care if you know by how much. Could it antagonize him to remain silent, or would he respect that you either know your rights or that you were at least doing something he’s not used to? That’s just for you Con Law folks, not interested in a real-world answer. Actually, interested in both.

Is this a super illegal way to speed or funny enough to get you off with a warning?

Enough questions, let me offer you some tips which may or may not be good. In the unfortunate event of getting pulled over, immediately shut your engine off, put the keys on the dash, license and registration too, leave both hands on the wheel. Not just to make the cop feel safer that you won’t make a run for it, but as a gesture of respect, and perhaps an indication to the cop that you’ve been in this situation before and won’t waste as much as his time.

Have you noticed that virtually every person riding in the passing lane when not passing anyone (not cool) is female?

Could someone please clear up whether or not driving red cars increases your insurance and/or your likelihood of getting pulled over? I’ve always heard yes but the man who sold me my car said that that actually was a misconception. I’m curious if that was the one instance where he was actually telling me the truth.

Speaking of insurance, .. a “friend” of mine has a little body damage on two different parts of his car and a high deductible. Would it be wise of him to decline the body shop man’s offer to write up the quote in a manner that does not reveal the two blemishes obviously from two separate incidents, or is that either too fraudulent or at the least excessively immoral in your book?

If you are arrested or are a suspect of any crime, I think, it is never, ever in your interest to talk to the police without either having spoken to a lawyer or, if cops can even do this, give you immunity. I’m not sure about the immunity – just don’t talk, even if you’re innocent, you will not get yourself out of a jam regardless of innocence. Don’t even declare that you’re not going to talk, the cop will get the idea soon enough. If you have information that would prove your innocence or implicate someone else, great, but no hurry, share it with a lawyer first so that you can use it as a bargaining chip or so that by attempting to provide an alibi you don’t end up incriminating yourself in some other crime you had nothing to do with. Better yet, watch this video. Seriously watch it. Just sit through the whole damn thing, it’s good.

About how fast in most places do you have to drive in most places, highways, to get arrested rather than ticketed? Like 120 or so?

Question to benefit the ladies, if you’re a lady and you get pulled over for speeding, what are some good tricks to try to get out of a ticket? One of my many ex-girlfriends This girl I used to go steady with long before I got married claimed that she managed to get out of a ticket by spilling water on her pants or dress, pelvic region, frantically explaining to the cop that she needed to pee really badly and the cop let her go. One of the reasons I eventually got rid of her was that she fibbed too much, but this might have been an instance of truth. What do you think?

Hey, you think Miss Daisy Dukes over here has ever gotten a ticket?

By the way, if you spotted that I mirrored/flopped the above picture rather than being too effectively distracted to notice, I’m not too sure about you bro… Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

How about some tips for spotting unmarked/under cover police cars? App of choice for evading law enforcement, Trapster or Waze?

There’s this sweet Corvette I’ve seen parked on Park Avenue (east 60s in New York), parked illegally each time, and he not only had MD license plates (medical doctor, helps you evade parking tickets I think) but he had an official-looking Policemen’s Benevolent Association sticker on his windshield that said something like Honorary Policemen’s Surgeon. Of course that guy speeds like its his job, we already know that, pulling bullets out of cops has got to be helpful in that context, but the real question is, is it less satisfying for the doctor to speed than it is for the rest of us knowing that he can speed with probable impunity, not being exposed to that risk and therefore getting less adrenaline or whatever it is that makes some if not most of us want to speed? How much would you pay for MD plates and a sticker like that? Man..

Okay I think that’s enough for one article. Yikes, that was way too long, sorry..

Doug Simmons