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Operation Luminate Pyongyang

Man, North Korea is so screwed up, even more than usual. I can’t even tell you some of the things I’ve been reading about them in the news. But hey, you know what would be interesting? One of the things you can file under the will-never-happen category? Here’s how you help both Windows Phone and the North Koreans prosper. I’m going out on a limb here but stick with me. Here’s how it’ll go down.

Bill Gates calls their government and the Russians to make a Schmidt-like corporate rockstar ambassador trip to North Korea, except instead of flying commercial he takes an Antonov An-225 on loan from the Russians to, I don’t know, ostensibly promote Russian strength (they’re an ally of NK), with Microsoft and Nokia developing a satellite solar-powered Windows Phone beforehand, however many they can stuff into that plane (and on top of it, the thing can carry the damn space shuttle). Paint a Windows logo on it and add some extra engines to confuse them.

Operation Luminate PyongyangThen fire up Google Maps, fly in real low and inconspicuously, entering their airspace from Russia right above Camp 22 in the northeast and flying toward (and with luck, through) the DMZ, dropping those parachute crates full of these phones here and there (and maybe some ramen noodle packs), then getting the hell out of Dodge.

Though the fuel would be expensive and the mission itself would be arguably risky on a few levels, that would generate some free press for Windows Phone, make the Windows brand hip again, possibly un-brainwash a few of these people, get them on the Internet et cetra.  Operation Luminate Pyongyang. Yes I’m aware the word is illuminate not luminate but it’s a play on words for the Nokia Lumia phone. Ahh never mind, it’s a dumb idea. Well, maybe if you get whoever was involved in Argo (either the movie or the actual operation) involved to polish the details it could work. Or leave the Russians out of it and take a Boeing Dreamliner.

Whatever – my point is Schmidt is right, they need Internet over there, but it will take more than a Schmidt field trip to the hell hole to make it happen, just like how it will take more than some billboards and TV spots to promote Windows Phone into double digits. That’s two birds with one stone. You got a better idea?

Doug Simmons